


Itsy Bitsy Spider

by Spinning_In_Infinity



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Peter is arachnophobic, Wade is a bit of a dick about it, very short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 00:16:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17570660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spinning_In_Infinity/pseuds/Spinning_In_Infinity
Summary: Peter has an unexpected phobia - Wade comes to his rescue.





	Itsy Bitsy Spider

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mikazure](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikazure/gifts).



> Inspired by an idea by my fabulous pal, ShadowofWolf200. Written in twenty minutes at one in the morning.

The ear-splitting screech filled the small apartment like an air-raid siren, shocking Wade out of sleep like a rabbit to a gunshot. He scrambled to his feet, fingers already unholstering the Desert Eagle from his belt, sprinting the short distance to the bathroom, where his boyfriend’s terrified whimpers could still be heard.

  “PETER,” he gave the door a hefty kick, sending it bouncing off the wall and screws flying every which way. “Baby, what’s—?”

  It took him two seconds to register the situation. There were no signs of villains, marauders, thieves, or any other threatening presence, but Peter was stuck firmly – and nakedly – to the corner of the ceiling, his brown eyes huge and staring at . . . the bath?

  Wade lowered his gun slightly and glanced into the tub. A tidal wave of relief washed over him and he sank down the wall to the floor, one hand pinned to his eyes as he tried to catch his breath through his uncontrollable giggles. He gazed disbelievingly up at the nineteen-year-old superhero – the defender of New York City – cowering from—

  “A spider?”

  “Just get rid of it!” Peter’s face was white and sweating.

  Wade replaced his gun and tilted his head to one side. “You’re scared of spiders?”

  “Just get rid of it, Wade, please!” The tiny hairy thing scuttled along the porcelain and he flinched.

  “You? _You_? _Spider_ -Man?”

  “For Christ’s sake, Wade!” the boy sounded almost hysterical and the merc chuckled. He leaned over the bath and reached for the spider, then paused.

  “It’s not a relative of yours, is it?” he said with mock concern. “I’d hate to squish your great aunt Marjorie or something.”

  “Wade, I swear to God—”

  Wade scooped the spider up in one hand and held it out to Peter, who seemed to be trying to extend his superpower arsenal to include vaporising through walls. “Where d’you want it?”

  “Out the window, down the toilet, just _get it away from me_.”

  “Big, brave Peter Parker – scared of an itsy bitsy spider.”

  “That thing is _not_ ‘itsy bitsy’,” Peter insisted. “It’s hugey . . . woogey.”

  Wade snorted. “Aren’t you supposed to be attracted to spider pheromones? You sure you’re not just fighting overwhelming lust?”

  “I’d rather bang the Goblin,” Peter said, a touch of sass creeping back into his trembling voice.

  Wade shrugged. “I’d ship it – reasonably popular pairing on Archive. More for Dehaan, though; not so much for Dafoe.”

  Peter shook his head. “Stop doing your weird _fourth wall_ thing and get rid of the freaking bug.”

  Relenting, Wade pushed open the tiny bathroom window and deposited the spider – which looked unharmed, if a little dazed – onto the outside sill. It paused for a moment before scurrying off down the bricks.

  “Shelob is vanquished, Mister Frodo,” Wade said, watching Peter crawl cautiously back to the floor. He gathered his towel – abandoned on the bathroom tiles – and gave it an experimental shake. Hoards of arachnids didn’t spring forth, so he wrapped it round his waist and smiled weakly at Wade.

  “Thanks,” he wrapped his arms around the merc’s waist. “My hero.”

  Wade planted a kiss on the top of Peter’s head and grinned. “Oh, baby boy – you should really consider changing your brand.”           


End file.
